Appreciation without any obvious motive bothers me. It may be because I believe that motivated admiration of someone can be detected and ignored, but when an individual sees no potent reason of being praised, he starts becoming a prey.
I am not a usual prey. This is partly because I have not given enough opportunities to people to praise me for something. I also give some credit to myself for not being unreasonably exposed to flattery.
Recently, I had an experience which left me wondering about my abilities to neglect sweet talk.
One of my friends whom I have known for three or four years called me. He is still studying and seeks advice on career and other 'significant' aspects of life, which also includes the BIG decision of when he should lose his virginity.
Every time he calls me, he seeks suggestions on something or the other. However, he does not act on any of my suggestions. That does not annoy me. In fact, it relieves me off the liability of having to face any problems if my advice is over exploited.
He called me at 7 in the evening today. I could not attend the call as I was in a meeting. I messaged these words, "In meeting…will call in an hour." I am slightly shameful because I tend to use this pretext almost every time I want to avoid unwarranted calls. And if it's someone who looks up to you (for God knows what reason), I can't resist myself sending this message, assuming it will be amusing to my friend receiving it as 'corporate life ' is still alien to him.
The meeting got over in half an hour. The presenter had had enough of people yawning and whispering among themselves. I happened to be among the ones resisting the temptation of dozing off in the conference room.
After the non eventful meeting, I was reminded again about my promise of calling back by yet another call by my friend. I thought of giving him a call. Because they never call me. "You earn, so you should be the one doing all the spending". This is generally their excuse of giving me "Missed calls".
The first half an hour he did not let me utter a word. He talked about how he has shifted to a different place and how he is getting awestruck at everyone's attitude towards life. "Déjà vu", I thought. Everyone who has ever migrated from a small town to a relatively 'happening' place, must have felt this way atleast once. Among the million factors that compel us to leave our native places and move to a 'big' city, the fascination of the lifestyle and broad outlook of the 'big' city's inhabitants is inarguably the biggest.
Anyway, his excited tone was depressing me further. He was turning out to be yet another victim of the cosmopolitan culture. But I did not care much. So I kept listening.
He also described how the girls dressed in that city. He also told me how is he planning ti make it big in the 'mean' city. Also, he kept insisting that I was the only person from the friend circle to have come so far and that how I have inspired him. This made me listen to him more.
Finally he told me as to how is he making efforts to lose his…… Ok! That was it. "Grow up!!!!!!!!Please!!!!!!!!! Because I have. And I refuse to understand your childish whims any more. "I yelled these words loudly in my mind. But I guess the frustration was so severe that he heard some of it. He asked me to confirm whether what I said was what I meant.I am usually an expert at escaping the self created blunders almost every time. But I decided to make it an exception. I cursed him.. Told him that it's high time he came back from utopia.I also told him that if he really wanted to make it big, he should have done it by now or at least would have taken concrete steps to do so. I made it very clear to him that he was highly disillusioned and that he will fall flat one day. Tall talks is what he is all about. Then I also uttered words that I have never thought I would....I did not know the meanings of half the these words.But I did not care.
He was speechless. The security guard at my office premises was gaping at me. Apparently he heard all that, at least my side of the conversation.
Finally my friend spoke. He did not have too many words to express his confused state. So he chose to speak just two words, "F@#$ off".
I had always thought that I'll make these fools see reality one day and I'll speak my heart out. I thought that will pacify me at least a bit. But it did not. On the contrary, I am really upset on what has happened. I hope I have not lost a friend.
I am not a usual prey. This is partly because I have not given enough opportunities to people to praise me for something. I also give some credit to myself for not being unreasonably exposed to flattery.
Recently, I had an experience which left me wondering about my abilities to neglect sweet talk.
One of my friends whom I have known for three or four years called me. He is still studying and seeks advice on career and other 'significant' aspects of life, which also includes the BIG decision of when he should lose his virginity.
Every time he calls me, he seeks suggestions on something or the other. However, he does not act on any of my suggestions. That does not annoy me. In fact, it relieves me off the liability of having to face any problems if my advice is over exploited.
He called me at 7 in the evening today. I could not attend the call as I was in a meeting. I messaged these words, "In meeting…will call in an hour." I am slightly shameful because I tend to use this pretext almost every time I want to avoid unwarranted calls. And if it's someone who looks up to you (for God knows what reason), I can't resist myself sending this message, assuming it will be amusing to my friend receiving it as 'corporate life ' is still alien to him.
The meeting got over in half an hour. The presenter had had enough of people yawning and whispering among themselves. I happened to be among the ones resisting the temptation of dozing off in the conference room.
After the non eventful meeting, I was reminded again about my promise of calling back by yet another call by my friend. I thought of giving him a call. Because they never call me. "You earn, so you should be the one doing all the spending". This is generally their excuse of giving me "Missed calls".
The first half an hour he did not let me utter a word. He talked about how he has shifted to a different place and how he is getting awestruck at everyone's attitude towards life. "Déjà vu", I thought. Everyone who has ever migrated from a small town to a relatively 'happening' place, must have felt this way atleast once. Among the million factors that compel us to leave our native places and move to a 'big' city, the fascination of the lifestyle and broad outlook of the 'big' city's inhabitants is inarguably the biggest.
Anyway, his excited tone was depressing me further. He was turning out to be yet another victim of the cosmopolitan culture. But I did not care much. So I kept listening.
He also described how the girls dressed in that city. He also told me how is he planning ti make it big in the 'mean' city. Also, he kept insisting that I was the only person from the friend circle to have come so far and that how I have inspired him. This made me listen to him more.
Finally he told me as to how is he making efforts to lose his…… Ok! That was it. "Grow up!!!!!!!!Please!!!!!!!!! Because I have. And I refuse to understand your childish whims any more. "I yelled these words loudly in my mind. But I guess the frustration was so severe that he heard some of it. He asked me to confirm whether what I said was what I meant.I am usually an expert at escaping the self created blunders almost every time. But I decided to make it an exception. I cursed him.. Told him that it's high time he came back from utopia.I also told him that if he really wanted to make it big, he should have done it by now or at least would have taken concrete steps to do so. I made it very clear to him that he was highly disillusioned and that he will fall flat one day. Tall talks is what he is all about. Then I also uttered words that I have never thought I would....I did not know the meanings of half the these words.But I did not care.
He was speechless. The security guard at my office premises was gaping at me. Apparently he heard all that, at least my side of the conversation.
Finally my friend spoke. He did not have too many words to express his confused state. So he chose to speak just two words, "F@#$ off".
I had always thought that I'll make these fools see reality one day and I'll speak my heart out. I thought that will pacify me at least a bit. But it did not. On the contrary, I am really upset on what has happened. I hope I have not lost a friend.
Nicely written post. Hastily written, I presume. :) Nonetheless, good.
ReplyDeleteSince I know most of your friends, I wonder who it was. None of my business though.
You know, at times, it's good to speak the truth. You cannot live disillusioned for too long. It may hurt coming from someone you trust, but I am sure your friend will recover once he realizes the worth of your words.
Look at the brighter side ... atleast u tried to be a honest friend and speaking your heart out is one step ahead. If he is your friend he will be back soon. Strangely most of us would relate to your story in one or the other way. Having said that let me share with you a piece of wisdom which i learnt from a friend. Sometimes you just have to be a good listener and let your friends grow up.
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